Suicide

I know that is not a pleasant topic, but that is the topic that has been on my mind in the last few days. Not me, but a family member committed suicide a few days ago. My ex-sister-in-law, or to be more exact, my brother's ex-wife. She left behind their 15-year-old son, Chad. Through the years that she and my brother were married, I saw her here and there. I remember going to visit them when Chad was about three months old. Of course, I was in my early 20s at the time and my mothering days would be way off. But to this day, I remember the way she loved that baby. She absolutely adored Chad. And now all these years later, I now know that feeling of loving another human being beyond belief.

Laurie was such a vibrant person. She literally lit up a room when she walked in. She never went anywhere without being fully made up and dressed to a T, which was a stark contrast to me in jeans and t-shirts and no makeup half the time. I usually felt like the ugly duckling sister-in-law next to her. But her personality and vibrance made it seem not so bad.

In March when we had a family reunion here at my house, she was generous enough to bring Chad here when my brother could not or would not for various reasons. I will always be thankful and grateful to her for doing that. For the first time, Jack got to meet his cousin Chad and to this day, Jack talks about cousin Chad almost daily. I also got to reconnect with Laurie and have some good old-fashioned girl talk with her while eating spicy shrimp and crawfish. Fun times.

Two days prior to her suicide, I was online talking to her about the possibility of meeting up with her and Chad in January when we go to Disneyworld. She was looking forward to that meeting. I only wish I knew what was going on in her head between that conversation online and when she decided to end it all. I know she was in pain. She had to be to leave Chad like that. I know that I am one of many who are wondering why and how today. One of many who are thinking and feeling "If Only". Laurie, I hope you are somewhere in peace today.

And if there is anything that I have learned out of all this, is that life is so precious. We must hug our kids a little tighter and tell them we love them that much more. We also must tell our friends and family that they are special to us and let them know how much we love them. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

Rest in peace Laurie. We will love you and miss you always.