My Age Starts With What?

Today is my 40th birthday. I remember when that sounded absolutely ancient. I also remember thinking that when you finally get to that age, everything will fall into place. And for the most part, it has for me. I have a wonderful husband, beautiful son, and a step-daughter who is becoming my friend. I have it all and I am blessed.

These past couple of months, I have been thinking back to my thirties. It is inevitable, I think, to review your life as a big milestone of an age is looming ahead. I remember my 30th birthday really well. I remember driving down the road and looking in the mirror only to see this HUGE gray patch of hair. I thought it was fitting on my 30th birthday and drove straight to the beauty shop and got my first of many professional hair color jobs.

I am pleased to say that my 40's are coming in a lot happier than my 30's did. When I was 30, I was a pretty miserable human being back then. I was in the middle of some serious infertility treatments and attending a support group for infertile women. I had quit my job as an accountant for a bank in downtown Seattle by then and my job became infertility. I was going to the University of Washington fertility clinic at least 2 or 3 times a week for ultrasounds or various procedures depending on what we were doing that month. The drugs that I were on were making me a total hormonal wreck and crying was a daily thing.

And the marriage department was in shambles also. I was married to a complete jerk who thought of himself first and foremost. He did not want kids and was actually quite pleased that we were having trouble. He made a lot of money, but when it came to letting his wife use some of that money or helping his mother out, he almost cried to see it go. However, for him to put in a $17k car stero was nothing. He remarried and is it any wonder that marriage ended in divorce?

Hindsight is 20/20 as they say. I am now very very very happy that none of those infertility treatments worked (well one did, but I miscarried) because he would have been the worst father in the world. God knew what he was doing with that situation.

Half of my thirties were spent alone and single. And it was the best thing for me. I had my own little house with my two little dogs as my children and was not unhappy as I had been. But I felt that I was missing something - children. So when I was 34 years old, after talking to my dentist of all people, who had a son by sperm donor, I went to the doctor to see about doing that same thing. I was told by him that it would be very difficult for me to conceive and of course a lot of money and no guarantees. I went home with a list of potential sperm donors with all their family and medical history. Weird way to have a baby and something inside told me that it wasn't right for me.

And it wasn't. About 6 months later, I met Jim during a tax season when I was working two jobs and 80 hours a week. But it was fate and bam 6 months after we met, I was pregnant with Jack. No, I do not know how it happened. I know how normal people get pregnant, but me? It is still a mystery to me to this day. And he was meant to be, I believe. We have not done anything at all to stop from having another little Jack since the day he was born and well, I guess God just wanted me to have the one perfect little boy.

So as I am going into my 40's, I can truly truly truly say that it is my happiest time of my life. Forty is not a scary age for me. And as they say, 40 is the new 30 right?